We want justice!

Absolute injustice. There is a limit for everything. What’s going on Down Under is totally prejudiced and undoubtedly unfair. You can’t really clobber someone down just because you can. Peace should always prevail. There should be a harmonious and equal environment.

No no no no. I’m not talking about the Australian mob that goes frenzy when they see people of Indian origins. I am here to talk about the Australian Cricket team that goes frenzy when they see cricketers of Indian origins.

When people are less advantageous than you, they must be granted some special rights so that they too get a playing field that is even. What do you do when you play cricket with your five-year old cousin? Clobber his mild throws for fours and sixes and hit triple and quadruple hundreds and hurl Yorkers at that poor kid? Shame on you–if you do that. So in order to make it a fair contest you give him a few extra wickets and other allowances to make the contest even.

That is exactly what I’m trying to suggest for the ongoing Test series between Australia and India so that it is good for the Indian team, the Indian audience and the Indian media. See, that’s completely fair. So, I suggest that the Indian Cricket… sorry, the International Cricket Council should make some provisions to liven up the series. The following are few rules adopted by TNLGC (Tamil Nadu Local Gully Cricket). The writer feels these rules should be able to achieve the fairness that he strives for.

1. Past (Fast) Appeal

With bowlers like James Pattinson and Ryan Harris hurling at almost 150 kmph, India must be given a ‘Fast Appeal’ call where the batsmen can appeal to the umpires that the bowlers are crossing their speed limit. Proper training is necessary for these Aussie bowlers who have no control over their speeds. What if they fall down and break their legs? Come on guys, I thought this was Gentleman’s Game. Play it gentle. Learn from Vinay Kumar and all. Okay, agreed we have one bowler who can bowl 150 kmph but first ‘Neenga niruthunga, naanga nirutharom’.

2. Yestra (Extra) Wicket

               If you compare the batting averages of both the teams so far in this series, Peter Siddle, an Aussie bowler has scored more than the Indian batsmen (save Tendulkar and Ashwin). Obviously there is a clear inadequacy in the Indian batting line-up and it needs to be looked upon. So, give someone (preferably Sachin or Ashwin) an extra wicket so that there’s enough score on the board to make the match last for five days.

3. One-pitch one-hand

            Players like David Warner score unnecessarily fast and threaten to finish the game within five days. And it’s too boring to watch someone like Clarke bat loooong enough to get triple hundreds. This results in great loss for the ground revenue and the sponsors. Not at all acceptable. I don’t propose to ban them but in order to get them out at the earliest, bring in the one-pitch one-hand rule where the fielding team can ‘catch’ their shots after the ball pitches once. To make it a fair-rule, the fielders are allowed to catch the pitched ball only with one hand.

4. Last man ‘gaaj’

            It is disheartening to see that Umesh Yadav, one of the bright prospects of India is missing his century (like few others) due to lack of support towards the end. He has been unbeaten in four out of six innings at Australia. And he’s the only Indian batsman on the tour who has not ceded to the Aussie bowlers at WACA, the world’s fastest pitch. So, the last man gaaj gives him an opportunity to bat on even if all ten wickets are down and he can go on to break every batting record that is there to be broken.

5. Common

            Chris Gayle recently tweeted about his desire to play for India. Totally unacceptable. How can a cricketer, who has no connection with the ongoing series, make a comment like that? However, what’s completely reasonable is that we can make a player, say David Warner, play for both the teams. So that Australia cannot be accused of having an attacking opener. Of course, we too have an attacking opener in the name of Vir… never mind.

6. 2G

            Ayyo, not the spectrum. This rule allows for ‘Granted’ twos. You see, Indians are not as athletic as Australians. They and all drink nutritious beer, er, I mean, milk and are strong athletes. Unlike them, milk has become a luxurious product here (at least for R. Ashwin). So, coming to the point, they run three’s and four’s, placing the ball to the fielders. Whereas, we consider it a sin if we run more than three even if we hit the ball to the ‘No-Fielder Zone’ and those kanjoos fielders don’t allow easy runs like our fielders do. So, we bring in the 2G rule where all the players benefit by not having to hurry things up. By this rule, a batsmen would get two runs if he places the ball to a particular spot. For Indians, it should be wherever Ponting, Hussey, Clarke… er, all the fielders stand. And for the Aussies, it should be where Vinay Kumar stands. You see, unnecessary time delay happens whenever Vinay Kumar throws/bowls the balls.

7. Six-Out

            There’s been too much influence of T20 cricket in tests. And Test cricket should be played like… er, Test cricket. Players like Warner hit too much sixes which is uncalled-for. The ‘six-out’ rule dismisses a batsman whenever he hits a six.

Hope these changes would add some interest to the unassuming Agneepath series where the Indians are supposed to ‘give it back’ (Don’t ask me what. Ask Sourav Ganguly.)

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